Dear Friends,
I recently gave a talk to the employees of the Archdiocese of Omaha about the Jubilee Year of Mercy and what the word love means as it used in sacred scripture. A great resource for that presentation was the first encyclical letter of Pope Benedict, Deus Caritas Est (God is Love).
In the letter, Pope Benedict reminds us that to be a Christian is to be among those who have come to believe in God’s love. To be a Christian, he says, is not to believe in some lofty idea, but rather to encounter a person, to encounter Jesus, and thus to believe that “God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should have eternal life.” Benedict acknowledges that we have a problem of language about love in our world today which leads to many misuses of the word. We speak of loving our country, loving a hamburger, loving parents, children, friends, loving a movie, loving a song, loving…Yet, Pope Benedict says that in the midst of the multiplicity of meanings one particular love stands out: love between a man and a woman – love that is expressed in the sacrament of marriage. The love between a man and a woman, Benedict says, is crucial for our understanding of love because of its bodily character. That body is the source of ecstasy; that body is a source of renunciation and purification; and that bodily love puts us on the path to the divine.
Love is an ecstasy not in the sense of intoxication; rather, love names that event where the human person turns away from the self curved in on itself toward another person. Freely giving oneself away is an erotic self-giving, a passionate love. God’s love for us is an erotic self-giving revealed most powerfully in the incarnation – the embrace of God and man. God is a bold bodily lover possessing our bodies so that we too might love.
The gospel today takes us to Jesus’ first miracle which takes place at a wedding. At that wedding water was transformed into wine and not just any wine, but the best wine. The church regularly reminds us that at every wedding since that first one the same miracle will take place as long as the couple invites Jesus to be a part of their relationship: the simple gift we bring to the marriage is transformed into the best intoxicating drink.
Contrary to the romanticism so prevalent in our culture, Christians present a “heroic” view of marriage. Marriage is heroic for Christians because the couple must dedicate themselves not just to each other, but to work together toward something greater – to God.
An important aspect of the heroic marriage is the virtue of fidelity. Christians pledge their lives to each other in marriage, not knowing the future but accepting whatever future arrives by holding on to each other – for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health…until death.
I like what Stanley Hauerwas would say when he was teaching morality at Notre Dame. His “law” was “You always marry the wrong person.” Like any good law it is of course reversible. You also always marry the right person. He taught it to help the college students see what the church rightly understands: we no more know the person we marry than we know ourselves. However, that lack of knowledge in no way renders the marriage problematic; for marriage among Christians is possible because we understand that we are members of a community (the Church) more determinative than the individual’s marriage. Marriage belongs to the Church and that community will hold you to promises you made when you did not fully comprehend them.
How can anyone know what it means to promise life-long monogamous fidelity? Only the institution which has lived through millions of marriages can. Individuals starting out in marriage can only promise themselves into the future. Our baptism gives us the grace to be a people that can hold on to a promise even when we do not understand all that the promise means.
God is love. God is faithful. God is eternal. Miraculously, he invites us to share the same. God will change us…just like the water.
Peace,
Fr. Damian