Dear Friends,
I have been asked to write about this topic from several parishioners and recently I received an email from
someone who decided to leave our parish because of it – is it permissible to carry on a conversation with other people
during Mass?
Those of you from my generation will recall that we were taught that it was never permissible to talk in
church and certainly inappropriate in the presence of our Lord in the tabernacle. It was seen as rude to God to talk in
front of God with another person. We were invited to be guests in the house of God and then we ignored the one who
invited us by talking to everybody else but God.
With the changes in the liturgy following Vatican II, there seemed to be a relaxing of this standard of etiquette
in church. The standards vary from church to church, but the new standards seem to say that before Mass it is okay to
speak in a low voice with our friends and neighbors that we encounter in church. We simply need to be aware of
people praying around us and not to disturb their prayer while we catch up with our neighbors. After Mass, in most
churches, it is permissible to talk to one another in the church itself. If the church has a large gathering area, then the
conversations are encouraged there, but if, like at Cabrini, there is no other place to gather, then it is permissible to
talk in church. However, it has never been deemed permissible to talk to one another during Mass except in cases of
emergency such as needing to use the bathroom, illness, etc.
I know at theaters, movies, and concerts they now come out and tell people how to act during the show. That
it is not permissible to have conversations during the show or to use your cell phones. In some places they will invite
you to leave and bar you from reentry if you break their standards. It is surprising that we have to come to the point in
societal etiquette that we have to tell people how to act during public events, but such is what has happened in a
culture that prides itself on individualism. Everybody thinks they have a right to do whatever they want to do
whenever they want to do it no matter how that might impact those around us.
In a crowded restaurant where there is a general and consistent level of noise, it soon becomes white noise,
and it is still possible for us to carry on our own conversation. But when we distinguish clear, individual voices at a
nearby table, conversation becomes very difficult. We end up listening to their conversation and find our own
difficult to continue.
I would encourage all of you to be sensitive to others who are praying and to keep your conversations during
Mass to a minimum. However, I would also say that when someone is doing something during Mass that disturbs us,
we need to develop the discipline to soldier on; to develop the habitual ability to pray amid disruption. I think
mothers must develop this state of prayer when their children are young or they would never be able to pray. Even in
the midst of the chaos, we should be able to set our hearts on God.
For the reality may be that our prayer is not disturbed merely because of the noise. It is disturbed because of
our emotional response to the noise. The conversation of others in church annoys and angers us, and these emotions
are typically a greater impediment to our prayer than the noise itself. The annoyance may be justified, but some of the
problem lies in ourselves. There is merit in seeking a spiritual calm. We might begin by praying for those who are
annoying us and then ask for help with our own inner turbulence. If we recall St. Thérèse of Lisieux, who was greatly
bothered during silent prayer in the chapel by the fidgeting and throat-clearing of nearby sisters. Perhaps we can learn
from the Little Flower, who was wise enough to blame herself.
Peace,
Fr. Damian
Pastor’s Letter 2.24.19
